When watching Baby Faced Mums last night the first girl spoke a lot about losing your identity when becoming a mum, something I can really relate to.
I had my two children quite close together and never lost the weight I put on with my first, I know I need to lose weight, I’ve lost 9lbs past 2 weeks and feel happier already. I have always felt like I’m not me anymore, I’ve locked the fun me up, I feel half of it is due to my weight. I wear dark clothes to cover up and never let my personality shine through clothes and accessories. That upsets me quite a lot, I can’t wear the things I want to wear as it really would suit my shape.
After hearing this girl speak about losing your identity when becoming a mum it was like I finally came to the conclusion It’s not just my weight.
I’m like the shell of the real me and I don’t know how I can get me back. Even when I have a night out I still have to get up in the morning with the boys, so I never really get hammered, I’m always the sensible one out of the group which is unlike the old me. A afternoon to go shopping is not like how it used to be, I’ve barely got any money to spend on myself these days. There is no point in having my nails done as they are not practical and my own nails are too short to do anything with.
I have no ‘friends’ around where I live so most days are spent in door in comfy clothes. I make the effort to go out because the boys can’t stay locked up.
Being a mum is really lonely for me.
I never done the girly holiday to Ibiza, working all week for the weekends or a lot of dating.
I often to speak to people a bit younger than me around 19/20 years old and they think they are ready for a baby. I always say enjoy nights out, holidays and no responsibility. The response I get is .. “I’ve been there and done that already, I’m over it”.
Trust me, you’re not. I don’t regret having my children but I honestly wish I had waited. I never cared about a girls holiday, nights out, spending all my wages on a pair of shoes but now.. I wish I could jet off to Ibiza for a week or two, spend all my money in one weekend and have no regrets and that is just two things!
You might think you don’t care and you just dream of being a mum but what is the rush?
Enjoy the simple things. Sometimes all I wish for is a weekend where I can just sleep and order pizza if I want to.
Barely being over 18 or even under you think you have experienced so much already and you know everything, you have seen everything.
I was that person and I thought the same things, truthfully.. I had seen nothing, experienced nothing.
I know I’m sounding like your mum, I always thought my mum was nagging me when really, at 23 now I can say.. Everything mum ever said was so true.
Things happen in life and babies may come as a surprise, I’m mainly speaking about people who have the control of when they get pregnant. The people planning a baby at a young age. In a way I wish I was more careful when it came to contraception too. Being young you understand but as you get older you really see the importance of it. Lucky I was never that stupid but many girls/boys don’t use condoms just for the reason they don’t like them, then contract a infection.
Being young too you think your head over in heels love as you have not experienced many relationships yet, trust me I’ve been there and done that too.
All I want to say is, there is no rush. Life is short yes, but just enjoy YOU as much as you can.
Spend your wages on dresses shoes nails, hair etc.. once you have a baby you will barely brush your hair let alone go and get a cut, colour and blowdry!
Get to know yourself, love yourself, enjoy yourself.. I barely knew who I was when becoming a mum and I think this adds to me feeling like I lost my identity. I don’t know who me is because I never let myself blossom. I’m Leah and I’m a mum to two beautiful boys.. other than that what much else can I say.. writing up my ‘about me’ took hours, I really had to delve into the real me, the one who is locked away and has been for nearly 4 years.
I know I can live my life when they boys are older but you’re only a young adult once. Binge drinking at Ibiza is not really something you do at 35 years old with teenagers back home.. isit?!
I know I’ve said a few things that could potentially be read wrong but I am only saying things I have only thought myself. In no way have I meant to hurt anyones feelings!
This is a very controversial post but like I say these are my thoughts and opinions.
Lets not leave this on a debbie downer, here is a picture of me around 16, with what I think is a bottle of WKD! ahahhaaha..